Patience is the ability to wait calmly in the face of adversity, challenges, or frustration.
When you see a parent calmly settling down a tantrum or a person in line ahead of you seemingly enjoying the moment, do you wonder what it would take to reach that state? In our go-go-go world, we rarely value taking more time than necessary to get through our to-do lists.
Yet patience yields so much once we have mastered this skill. It makes our relationships stronger and inspires deeper and more meaningful conversations. All of this enriches your life and helps you reach the larger goals you have set for yourself.
It also calms those around you and pumps out less stress and anxiety.
Rather than racing through your day feeling frustrated, disappointed, and upset, try the flip side with some peaceful patience. Here are some ways to cultivate the habit:
1. Abolish the Word ‘Should’
In an ideal world, children should pick up their toys and your coworkers should deliver exactly what you expected from them, but that doesn’t always happen. Instead of getting upset about it, stop and reflect on why these things are not happening.
Perhaps your child is used to having someone else clean up after them. Therefore, how can they learn to do it themselves? With your coworkers, maybe they are getting conflicting messages on how to do their work or they need further insights into your expectations.
By jumping to “this is wrong,” you miss an opportunity to make it right. Use your energy to correct that behavior with questions and a calm demeanor.
Try the same approach when you criticize yourself. Yes, you should be able to lose those extra five pounds. Rather than beating yourself up about it, focus on what habits you could change to reach that goal.
2. Breathe In and Out Slowly
Don’t roll your eyes and say, “I am obviously breathing.” That’s Impatient You talking.
When we get upset, we often hold our breath or take in air more shallowly. By consciously observing our breath and engaging it to take the edge off, we signal our body to stop the flow of stress-inducing hormones. This helps reset your brain to a more pleasant state.
Just taking a moment to do this can also arrest your scurrying brain as you recognize that you need time for your health. Take at least three calming breaths when you feel agitated. If you need more, invest the time. By refocusing, it will help you get more done in the day.
3. Be Aware of Yourself
Breathing is just the first step in the journey. When you feel anxious, check in with your body to see what other signs are riling up. You may clench your hands or the muscles in your shoulders or hips. That tension will build up and make you tight, sore, and cranky.
Make this mindfulness part of your daily routine. You can do it after a call or meeting at work, in the car, or during a meditation session at the end of your day. It immerses you in the present moment where you listen to your breathing and your mind.
The next step is to assess what is happening without judgment. You will see that you are doing your best and stop harshly haranguing yourself for any shortcomings. By being kind to yourself, you will find more capacity to be nicer to others.
4. Show Compassion
Now that you’re looking at the world through a more open lens, you can apply a kinder and more patient outlook to others.
Before you jump to quick conclusions, take a moment to look at the other factors you may not have noticed at first. You’ll see that the driver that cut you off was avoiding another car; be thankful that you all dodged a collision. You’ll understand that the screaming toddler is tired and also aggravating her mother, inciting compassion for them both rather than anger.
Judgment is the antithesis of patience, so stop making it your first impulse. By getting others to look at the world this way, you create an oasis of calm and compassion that could come back to support you on a day when you need it most.
5. Look at the ‘Before’ and ‘After’ Scenarios
Once you’ve exercised patience in a few situations, stop and review how you feel and how things played out. Did you listen better? Did you respond more wisely? Did you feel more centered and mature?
In the past, rushing around and tapping into primal emotions may have felt like the right thing to do. However, it may become clearer that this approach did not serve you well. This is a great inspiration to carry on along your new path. Frankly, impatience isn’t helpful to anyone.
Focus helps you get things done. Follow-up action is vital.
Being restless and irritable just sucks up energy that you could use elsewhere. It doesn’t make you a better person, parent, or employee. You perform better without it.
If you feel yourself slipping back into old habits, ask what would help resolve the situation in front of you. Would snapping at an overwhelmed store clerk for your long wait going to make her work faster? No, it allows you to vent your negative emotions and likely some regret later. Meanwhile, it poisons her day and makes her less likely to be motivated to be pleasant with customers.
Likewise, honking in traffic is pointless. The cars ahead of you are not moving for a reason so settle down and enjoy some music or conversation while you wait. Use this time to check your breathing or deliberately unclench some muscles. Think about an alternative route to try in the future or consider leaving at a different time to avoid gridlock. That is a more constructive use of your time that solves a problem, rather than giving another driver something to gripe about.
6. Adjust Your Expectations
In your more self-aware state, start to revisit the situations that frustrate you and see how you can adapt.
If you are impatient because you are always rushing from one point to another, build in a cushion of time so you know you will still arrive on time, even if you are delayed by road construction.
Recognize that others may not always meet your high standards, but coach them to get them closer to your high bar. Your teenager may not fold the laundry the ‘right’ way, but if you just refold it, they will never learn. Show them how to do it so their shirts have fewer wrinkles, and they may pick up on it.
Or, accept that life comes with a few wrinkles. Pick the areas where you require perfection and let other things go. Do you need to eat dinner at exactly 5:30 p.m. every night? If your child’s socks don’t match every day, will the world end?
Find joy in being more flexible with your time and your mental parameters. Enjoy the freer, more patient You. Others will probably like the new version too.
Reference: https://www.rachaelkable.com/blog/how-to-be-more-patient
