It can happen in an instant. Your child throws food on a clean floor or someone cuts you off in traffic and you go instantly into the red zone. Anger is such a powerful emotion, and it can arise in a heartbeat.
If you don’t handle it well, your child could end up in tears – maybe followed by you doing the same – or you could end up in a road rage incident. Neither of those outcomes are good for your day. However, keeping a lid on your emotions can lead to other inappropriate outlets later – such as draining a bottle of whiskey – or a heart attack or bout of depression.
To deal better with these moments, funnel your feelings into better coping mechanisms like these:
Express Yourself
You don’t need to snap right away, but you can wait until later and blow off steam about the incident. Begin with the actual trigger but look at the underlying emotions. Are you upset because your partner didn’t offer to help clean up the mess, leaving you to do it, as you always do? Did you think the other driver was going to hurt you and your family? Let it all out.
Laugh a Little
Most moments have elements of humor in them that you can point out to defuse tension. Did the other driver have an irreverent bumper sticker? Did the baby’s food spatter on the cat and make it jump? While you can still be upset, finding a reason to laugh can make everyone feel a little better. This also makes you keep a perspective on the actual outcome of an incident. If no one was hurt, you can move on.
Leave the Room
Take a time out by leaving the chaos of a situation if you are getting overwhelmed. If you stay, you may say something irreversible or start to cry embarrassingly. Explain that you need a break and go wherever brings you some comfort. You may need to leave the entire building and drive around or walk on a trail. It’s okay to take time for yourself.
Determine What Set You Off
If you complain about the same issue day after day, it’s time to find an alternative before you lose your mind. This could mean a change in work time to avoid traffic bottlenecks or moving your desk away from the gum snapper next to you. Figure out what is bothering you and take steps to turn it around. It may take an awkward conversation, but those few moments could pay off with a better quality of life. It may take some introspection to find the true cause. Use a good friend as a sounding board until you sort it out.
Breathe Deeply
When we get upset, we breathe quickly and shallowly, sending signals to our body that you’re ready for a fight. Calm it down by taking deep, slow breaths and your brain will stop sending adrenaline into your system. Take air in through your nose then push it out through your mouth for twice as long. Repeat until you feel balanced. Check to see if you are clenching your hands or your shoulders and release them. Now you will feel better.
Repeat a mantra
Find a soothing phrase and use it until you are back out of orbit. It can be a simple word, like “okay” or a thought, such as “I am as calm as a pond.” Choose soothing sounds and feel them going through your lips slowly. You can do it quietly or retreat to your car and say it there. You can create a list of them for different situations or turn to whatever words jump into your mind at the moment.
Visualize Yourself on a Beach
If you cannot take yourself out of a room, mentally check out and visit Hawaii while your children clean up a mess that they made. Quietly imagine the sound of the surf and the warm breeze as you sip a mai tai. Just picturing yourself on a chaise lounge can help you relax. Breathe in the scents of the gardenia for just one brief minute then return to reality and supervise the cleanup. You can laugh at your silliness, to also lighten the mood.
Move Mindfully
Stretch out your arms and feel the muscles moving around. Reflect on their strength. Move your head and wriggle your toes. Even if you’re stuck in a meeting, you can check in with your body and relieve some tension with a few small moves. After work, do some yoga, stretches or tai chi to get in touch with your body. You can dance a little to loosen up, with or without a partner.
Focus on the Goods Things in Life
Rather than ruminating, look around at the healthy, loving people in your world and rejoice in their presence. Be grateful for a safe home or whatever else brings you comfort. Don’t let one small thing take away from your many blessings. Your situation could be worse.
Ask for Help
If you are frustrated that others stand by and don’t chip in, invite them to assist you. By speaking up and dealing with the underlying issue constructively, you vent a little of your negativity and start training others to be part of the solution. If your anger is scaring or scarring people close to you, ask your doctor or local mental-health agency about getting some counseling. You may have a medical issue that is shortening your fuse, so be candid about how you are reacting.
Best of luck as you find your calm and happy place.
Reference: https://www.healthline.com/health/how-to-release-anger
